New roles

Giovanni and Alexander, when and if you read this one day, I hope that you are not offended or mad at mommy's portrayal of our lives. I write this blog for memory sake, mostly mine lol, but for you to treasure as you get older too. If I made mistakes which I most certainly have, it has been trial and error, for daddy and I as we discovered parenthood as I hope you both one day will, but not anytime soon or before you finish graduate school! If anything we are overprotective and love y'all unconditionally and everything we did was always with great intentions.
So as our family of three became four two weeks ago, we all were assigned new roles. Giovanni our superstar became a big brother and now has to share the spotlight. Daddy and I became parents of two beautiful boys and learning to cope in our new roles. Grandparents trying to share time with both boys and not favor one or the other. Giovanni loves Alexander and comes to him every morning and rubs his head. He is ready to carry him and hold him but we are right next to him. Gio is a ball of energy and I have to make sure that as he comes running at me full speed that Alexander is not a target. Lol! Most of the time I am on the couch nursing Alexander and Giovanni is playing all around us and warned not to throw his toys around over and over. Two things that he has commented on left me very sad and my heart felt like it was breaking. On day three, on the way to moms he said no one is going to love me anymore. Wow talk about heartbreaking. I asked him to repeat it but he acted as if he didn't say it, we explained to him that mommy and daddy have two babies and love them equally. Now he tells us daily that we have two babies now and we tell him yes and that we love both of our babies equally! Then while watching a video of Alexander, Gio asked about his videos. I played him a slideshow that my friend Lisa made for us and he started crying and asked to be a baby again because mommy carried him everywhere like Alexander. Well tears all around, we tried our best to comfort him and stressed all the big boy things he could do since he was three that Alexander can't. He wants me to pick him up, but I am not supposed to, I'm still trying to heal and when I do, I end up hurting myself. My midwife reminded me that I have a big internal wound and need to give myself time to heal properly, if I did too much I would take longer to heal. How do I go from carrying my baby Gio all the time to nothing. I am still trying to find a balance between both boys. Alexander cluster feeds every 1-3 hours, he liked the swing now can't stand it and wants to be with mommy 24/7. Gio is curious and wants to be next to his brother touching and squeezing...and at first I would shoo him away when it got out of hand or reminded him to let's be quiet when he would yell or scream loudly but that made him more aggressive, Now we make it a point that Gio helps at every opportunity because he loves to be mommy and daddy's big helper. The first week Gio didn't want anything to do with me because he was so busy with daddy and his grandparents! I was so hurt but then realized I was so busy with Alexander and needed to keep still and rest. Once daddy went back to work and visits stopped he was all about mommy and I had to balance time with a nursing boy and over active toddler. Gios behavior was out of control and I tried so hard to be calm and breathe because I know he wanted a reaction, but it didn't always work. By the time daddy got home it was time for them to go to the park so mommy could have a break. Poor daddy he was dealing with three babies, both boys and me! He was making sure I was healing with my baths, feeding and attending to Gio as much as he could. Daddy was exhausted from work and then got right to work when he got home. We all got a break by heading to Tita's, for some outdoor fun in the backyard! I normally would not want to take the baby out so early but it was heaven being at my moms in the backyard, Gio could play and Alexander could get some sun!!! We went over there for a week and we all felt somewhat normal again! Gio is calming down and I am putting Alexander in the carrier and I can share my time with both boys. Not really strong enough to take the boys out all by myself so I keep us busy during the day and make sure we take naps together!!!! Family naps=mommy survival!!! Slowly we are all finding ourselves with our new family member and discovering new family memories!